Sally Cronin has graciously invited her followers to share four posts from their archives. This is my second one in the series; you can read the first one HERE. Directions on how to participate are given at the end of each post. Thank you to Sally for the abiding generosity and support she offers our community
Welcome to the series where you can share four of your links from your archives here on my blog to a new audience. Perhaps posts that you wrote at the beginning of your blogging experience that deserve another showcase. If you have book promotion posts then please contact me separately for other options. Details of how to get in touch with me at the end of the post.
Today Tina Frisco puts a different spin on rejection. It is rare for anyone to go through their lives without some form of this hurtful action from others. Tina however looks at this as an opportunity to grow and evolve as a person.
Rejection: the Ultimate Teacher by Tina Frisco
Rejection comes in many forms, from many places, and is very painful. What makes rejection so devastating? What causes us to react in a particular way? How can we use rejection to our advantage?
On a purely instinctual level, rejection threatens to extinguish our life force by depriving us of vital nourishment. No being can truly thrive without some measure of love and acceptance.
Rejection devastates when we attach our personal worth to someone or something outside of ourselves. Feeling worthy only when liked and accepted by those with whom we engage sets the stage for rejection.
When feeling disliked or ignored by another, it is wise to step back and view that person’s behavior as a mirror of our own subconscious mind. Often the things we do not like in ourselves are reflected back to us by others, giving us an opportunity to examine what prompts us to react and how we might change. This not only buffers the impact, but also opens the door to personal growth. Becoming the witness rather than the victim allows us to determine if our behavior rather than our essence is being rejected, or if the other person’s bias is in play, and/or if we simply are misreading all the cues.
Behavior learned throughout childhood is largely determined within the context of the example set by the adults in our lives. When we incarnate, we become blank slates to be imprinted upon by everyone and everything around us. We react to external stimuli positively or negatively, based on whether our basic needs are met or neglected. As we mature, we learn we have choices. Those choices include how we feel and whether we react to or act on those feelings.
The key to using rejection to our advantage lies in remaining objective. However, behaving as an unattached witness can be difficult when our impulse is either to strike or withdraw. If we recognize impulse as being instinctual – a reflex action rather than a thought process – then we are taking a first step toward understanding our feelings and turning rejection into a positive learning experience.
When observing animals in the wild, it becomes clear that instinct is, in part, a survival mechanism. Although we humans do not live in the wild, we find it impossible at times not to react. Generally speaking, however, our survival does not depend on ‘fight or flee.’ Most often we have the advantage of time and space within which to consider our options and teach ourselves to behave differently. We are capable of changing our behavior and, quite possibly, our feelings. With a little practice, we can move ourselves to the threshold of choice: act or react. Success in achieving this pivots on focusing our intention.
Change occurs in three stages: (1) we witness our behavior after we have reacted; (2) we take note while we are reacting; (3) we stop ourselves before we react. When we reach the final stage, our behavior reflects choice (act on) rather than reflex (react to). Since most change occurs over time, perseverance becomes vital to success. Yet once we are rooted in firm resolve, observing ourselves can be fascinating.