D.G. Kaye Author

Memoir Bytes – #Domesticabuse – how to recognize the signs and leave

Debby Gies, aka D.G. Kaye, recently published an
article on domestic abuse. She shares a personal
experience and lists the signs of an unhealthy
relationship. In case any of you missed it, I’m sharing this important post.  #Recommended
Debby is the author of six outstanding memoirs that cover the topics of a neglectful mother, traveling tips, menopause, relationships, and more.

D.G. Kaye Amazon Author Page

Buy Debby’s books HERE

Visit Debby’s superb BLOG to learn more about her ❤️

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D.G. Kaye Author

“Oh c’mon Deb, you never give a guy a chance,” my bestie Bri lectured on. “You have too many stipulations about dating before you let anyone into your life.”

I was managing an office for a PR firm when I met ‘him’. He’d drop by once a week to pick up work as a freelance editor, After five or six visits and a couple of flirty chats with ‘him’ he’d asked me out for dinner and I accepted,

‘He’ was somewhat handsome and at least gave some interesting conversation. He mentioned his failed marriage and almost had me feeling sorry for him. But as I am ever the skeptic, I always believed there are two sides to every story. It only took me a few more months to discover why he was most likely the ‘dumpee’.

We continued to date despite my nagging little doubts about things I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but my inner alarm system signaled something was amiss with this man, yet, my curiosity got the better of me. So I continued to date him. ‘His’ personality went from hot to cold – sometimes acting affectionate and sometimes downright mean – a streak I learned to fear.

Almost a year had passed and as so many of us do in life, I got complacent. I was in my early thirties when I had brainwashed myself into thinking this was the lot I was dealt, so I better make the best of it, instead of asking, Is this all there is? Don’t I deserve some of those tingly butterflies in my stomach when I’m kissed by the man I’m supposed to be loving?

Six more years went by I spent with ‘him’. In the earlier stages I had resolved myself to thinking that if I left, maybe I’d never get married. I settled for a roller coaster relationship. I thought I could ‘fix’ him. I thought nobody’s life is perfect. I learned to dance around his moods and fits of anger with great caution. After all, I’d made my choice. And like many other women in my situation – women who feel compelled to stay in toxic relationships, I thought I was stuck in that relationship for life.

It took a good few years until I realized myself, and with the constant badgering of friends and loved ones that I became a shadow of my former self. I became quiet, complacent, and had lost any self-esteem I’d worked so hard my whole life to build by allowing a man to demean, threaten and possess me. I would spend the last three years of that relationship making plans to get out of it. But finally I was free. It wasn’t as easy as just picking up and leaving as there became financial issues involved and threats I had to weigh out – would he make good on his word that if I tried to leave he’d make sure that nobody else would have me?

After my escape…

Continue reading…

Source: Memoir Bytes – #Domesticabuse – how to recognize the signs and leave

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20 thoughts on “Memoir Bytes – #Domesticabuse – how to recognize the signs and leave”

  1. I’m so glad Debby had the strength to walk away in the end. I hope that she found herself a loving relationship afterwards as she deserved. She’s a beautiful woman and had she stayed her abuser might have robbed her of that, the outside beauty certainly. If a woman is alerted by any slight misgiving in a relationship then she should learn to trust her judgement and act on it. Small abuses grow into big abuses and it’s rare for an abuser to change.
    xxx Huge Hugs Tina xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. David, thank you so much for reading and leaving your spot on thoughts. We must all learn to understand our inner alarm signals and act on them instead of being complacent. Well said – small abuses grow into bigger ones and the spots don’t change on a leopard. No, it’s not just one bad day that won’t happen again. It will. again and again. If abusive behavior is demonstrated just once, that’s enough for me to know if they can behave like that once there’s more to come. Thank you for sharing your male perspective here. xxxxJumbo hugs to youxxxxx

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so glad you shared this, Tina. It’s a powerful article and Debby shows how easily women can fall into this trap and feel stuck. These personal stories are the most compelling and sharing experiences will save others untold pain and sorrow. ❤ Much love to you both.

    Liked by 2 people

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