My very special guest today is none other than the dauntless and debonair #Danny the Dog, who has kindly contributed one of his adventure stories. Danny’s person, best-selling author Andrew Joyce, will begin by introducing our celebrated canine friend.
My name is Andrew Joyce and I write books for a living. Tina has been kind enough to allow me a little space on her blog to promote my new novel, Yellow Hair. I think it’s a good book, but what do I know? Anyway, I’m kinda shy about tooting my own horn. So I think I’ll turn things over to my dog Danny. He always has a bad attitude and usually does not speak highly of me. But please understand that we co-exist as the old Soviet Union and the United States once co-existed. We tolerate each other. So without further ado, here’s Danny.
Andrew woke me up from a nice nap to help him out here. I was dreaming of hot dogs. Yummy! For a person that works with words for a living, he has very little to say in real life. He wants me to tout his book for him, but I don’t think I will. Instead, I think I’ll tell you about my latest adventure. I’m always having adventures. I like to write about them and what I write is 100% true.
In way of introduction, it is I, Danny the Dog, everyone’s favorite dog. I haven’t written anything for a while because my human, Andrew, has been using the computer. He was working on his new book. I told him I’d write it for him, but no; he said I don’t write in the same style as he does. Well duh! I’m so much a better at writing than he is.
I have a story to convey that I am not proud of. At first, I was not
going to tell you this story, but Andrew said that if I’m going to write about myself, I have to tell of my foibles as well as my strengths. I didn’t know I had foibles, but if I do, perhaps I should see a vet and have them checked out.
Well, I’ve dilly dallied long enough, here’s my sad tale (no pun intended).
Andrew has this friend, a female friend. Yeah, I know. I too was surprised that he had a friend, let alone a female friend. But during my long life, I’ve been witness to stranger things. So this friend, whose name is Suzanne, came to visit last week and she brought her dog with her. Now, I am a peaceful dog, I come from a long line of peace-loving dogs. In fact, my father was so peaceful, he only bit the mailman once a week. But as all of my canine readers will attest to, when a new dog comes onto your turf (or boat in my case), you have to assert your dominance. And in this instance, that was not going to be a problem.
The little critter was tiny. I wasn’t sure if it was a dog or a hairy rat. Andrew, knowing my ways, tied me to a tree so I couldn’t get to the little monster. But I wasn’t giving up. I barked my head off and strained against that insidious leash. And ultimately my efforts paid off, but now I wish they hadn’t. I was tied to a thin branch and it finally broke, freeing me to go and teach that interloper a lesson. I wasn’t going to hurt her, just let her know who was boss.
I ran full force right at the little thing, but instead of cowering or running away as any normal small dog would do, she turned and faced me, bared her teeth and started barking at me! I was so unprepared for this turn of events that I screeched to a halt (and this is the hard part to tell), turned tail and ran. I ran right to the boat, jumped inside, and hid under the bed. And do you want to know what the worst part was? As I ran, I could hear Andrew laughing his rear end off.
The conclusion to my sad story is that eventually I made friends with the little terror. Her name is Maui, and for a little female rat-dog, she’s not a bad sort. But she does tend to boss me around a lot.
And as for Andrew, he will never let me forget it. Sometimes when
he’s at the computer, he’ll break out laughing, turn to me, and in a sickening, sugary voice say, “How’s my big brave doggie doing? You better watch out, there are a few mean-looking cats around.” I could just strangle him at times.
I have to be going. I have an appointment at the vet’s to get my foibles looked at.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot—go out and buy Andrew’s book. It’ll make the old guy’s day.