Tag Archives: Guest Author

Authors, Books, Promotion

Reblog ~ 49 Days In 1988: Week 16 – Closing Doors

May 21, 2018 Tina Frisco 18 Comments

I was thrilled to be Hugh Roberts‘ guest last month on his 49 Days In 1988 series. He shares snippets from his 1988 diary and takes us on a trip in his Music Time machine, featuring songs from the 1980s chosen by his guests.

Buy Hugh’s book HERE

I enjoyed being a part of this series and thank Hugh for inviting me. Now over to Hugh 🙂

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49 Days In 1988: Week 16 – Closing Doors

Click here to read the first week of this feature, and follow the links at the end of each post.

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London – April 13th, 1988

Well, I certainly will not rush into things as far as Dean is concerned. A phone call from him this evening meant another long conversation and a dinner date tomorrow evening. We both get on well, and I hope it lasts. It may all be happening far too quickly, after Stewart, and I may be on the rebound, but the waters around Dean seem calm and steady. I wonder if he sees the same in me? Afterall, Stewart is still on my mind and we’ve that upcoming meetup we promised each other.

It looks as if I could be moving again soon. We were told tonight that the house is on the market. It came as quite a shock to all of us. I do enjoy living here with the other guys. However, after a long talk with Stephen, we’ve decided to look for a flat together. Afterall, we get on so well, and I’m sure it’s not a bad idea, so as from tomorrow we start looking at the rental market.

There’s no panic on finding a new place just yet, though. It could take up to six months to sell the house, so at least we have plenty of time on our hands. On the other hand, we could be out by July or August. Hopefully, by then, Stephen and I will be well-settled somewhere new! Fingers crossed.

#London #music #bloggers #city #LGBTQI #LGBT

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Welcome to this new feature for 2018 on Hugh’s Views and News. In this feature, I’ll be sharing snippets from my diary of 1988. We’ll also take a trip in Hugh’s Music Time machine to hear some songs from the 1980s which have been chosen by some specially invited guests.

#author #authors #books — Author, writer and blogger, Tina Frisco

This week, my guest is the author, writer and blogger, Tina Frisco. Not only is Tina a published author, but she’s also a singer and songwriter. She has performed publicly in many different venues. Born in Pennsylvania USA, she attended nursing school in New York and now lives in sunny California.

Tina has published three books, one of which – Vampyrie: Origin Of The Vampire, we’re going to feature today. Released in December 2016, if you like stories about creatures that have a blood addiction, then add this book to your ‘must-read list.’ Here’s the blurb about the book.

What if vampires were not the undead, but rather the dying? What if there were two factions among vampires: the sustained and the unsustainable? And what if those factions were at war with one another over the life of a young woman who promised them a future? Vampyrie brings the myth of the vampire into the realm of possibility.

Phoebe Angelina Delaney is a reluctant genius and compassionate hothead. She finds herself in a pitch-dark underground and doesn’t remember how she got there. Did she drink too much alcohol and wander off in a stupor, or was she kidnapped by a malicious element determined to make her life a living hell?

Sir Michael Alan David is a vampire – an enigma, charismatic and mysterious, who weaves in and out of Phoebe’s life. Does he intend to use his title as a ruse to draw her closer to an unearthly fate, or is he a cloak-and-dagger knight in shining armor?

Too many secrets have been kept for too long. Phoebe must unravel the mystery in order to survive. Two major characters from the author’s first novel, Plateau, join forces with Phoebe to battle the demons in Vampyrie.

Continue reading to see which song I chose 🙂

Thanks so much for stopping by ❤️

Authors, Books, Inspiration

What I Have Learned from Chronic Illness – Guest Post by, Tina Frisco… | Chris The Story Reading Ape’s Blog

March 24, 2018 Tina Frisco 33 Comments

Many thanks to my friend Chris Graham, The Story Reading Ape, for once again hosting me on his supportive and informative blog ❤

Visit Chris’ blog HERE. He has so much to offer.

The opportunity to learn presents itself more often than most of us recognize. We ignore or do not hear the knock on the door to our hearts and minds. We become outraged or sickened when engaging with or reacting to someone whose behavior strikes fear in us. We allow our attention to divert to the trivial when facing something that makes us uneasy. Yet everyone and everything we encounter is a mirror, a reflection of ourselves.

I have been off line for most of the past six weeks, coping with a flareup of fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue. When homebound and at times bedridden, it is a challenge to feel connected to the outside world and not slip into depression. I constantly have to remind myself that I am not alone. My shaman teacher told me this early on:

The first lesson of power is that we are alone.
The last lesson of power is that we are one.

Recognizing and engaging with the numerous mirrors always before us requires mindful awareness. Any emotion that disrupts inner peace and union with The Divine provides an opportunity to grow. This could be a personal encounter, a memory, a TV program, a disquieting sound or smell, a visual image…

While in the throes of pain and fatigue, it can be difficult to focus one’s intention. Yet the most exacting circumstances offer the most potential for growth. Remaining aware of this, I have learned many things from chronic illness.

Growth occurs in stages. When we find ourselves in a recurrent situation and feeling frustrated/angry/disgusted, it is important to remember that we merely are peeling away another layer of the onion, the façade we believe to be our true nature. But we must not stop at this realization. We must dive deep and search for the cause, knowing full well we might encounter more illusions along the way. However, with each diving and resurfacing, we discover a piece of the Self we are dying to know. And yes, we are dying. We are shedding the relative–the illusion–and being reborn, moving closer to the absolute.

We move in and out of emotion until we reach
enlightenment . . .

Continue reading…

Authors, Health, Insight, Political

The American democracy wasn’t built in a day, but it could be destroyed swiftly and imperceptibly

March 11, 2018 Tina Frisco 19 Comments

A delightful surprise to find this reblog of my post on chronic illness. My thanks to Marcus and the folks at ‘From guestwriters.’ Please head over and enjoy their informative blog ❤

From guestwriters

An American lady who felt compelled to write a novel of hope and who want us to keep our hearts open and act within love instead of reacting out of fear looks at her own country where some one pulls the strings in a dangerous manner.

She writes

Believe me when I tell you that living in the U.S. right now is like being on a nonstop roller coaster ride, minus the thrill. I don’t understand the mindset of those who think our current POTUS is America’s savior. Perhaps they’re not dependent on healthcare for their lives. Perhaps they don’t live paycheck-to-paycheck. Perhaps they’ve never experienced having the rug pulled out from under them. Or perhaps they’ve experienced all of these and are so desperate for change that they cannot see through all the lies.
One has only to read how Hitler came to power in 1930’s Germany to see…

View original post 166 more words

Authors, Books, Insight, Promotion

#Guest Author #D.G.Kaye: Friendships – Online and Otherwise

December 18, 2017 Tina Frisco 137 Comments

I’m thrilled to welcome Debby Gies, aka D.G. Kaye, as a guest author to my blog. She and I met online in 2016 and became fast friends.

Debby recently released her latest memoir, Twenty Years: After “I Do” ~ Reflections on Love and Changes Through Aging.

Buy the book HERE
(universal link)

In this article, Debby speaks about the spirit of friendship and how neither time nor distance need alter its integrity. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did. Now over to Debby, and more about her at the end of this post.

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Friendships – Online and Otherwise

I’m wondering if the old stigma is still attached to the concept of online friends. Do you ever find yourself feeling as though you have to explain some of your online friendships when talking to the people in your ‘real’ world? Have you ever been told that ‘those people’ aren’t real friends because they’re online?

Some people think that our online friendships are just that – online only, and when we’re offline, those friendships are out of mind. But that couldn’t be further from the truth for me with the many friendships I have made online. There, I said it again, I hate that term ‘online friend’. It’s that term that gives the friendship that feel that we’re only friends when we find each other online. That’s like saying, our real-life friendships are only friendships when we’re actually spending time together with those friends and when we don’t see them, there’s no friendship, now that’s just ridiculous thinking.

Many people physically go to their jobs where they interact with co-workers on a daily basis. Others, work from home on their computers where their daily working life is spent online, like mine. As writers and bloggers, we live in two worlds, both the physical world and online. We engage with others in writing groups, social media, on blogs, and with other creatives in our field. So just as people make friends with co-workers in the live world, it would only make sense we also form friendships in the online world.

Writers in particular, work in solitude creating, and I couldn’t imagine my world where I spend most of my waking hours, without friends. Only other writers understand our world. And after spending so much time with those we interact with daily, it only makes sense that we also form friendships with many people, and more intimate friendships with some. The beauty about the friendships we make online is that we become friends with like-minded people. And just as in our real worlds, we eventually gravitate to certain people that we have things in common with, and thus, friendship bonds are formed.

In actuality we probably spend more time with our “online” friends than we do with our real-time friends. We take some of those friendships to a higher level by communicating about more personal things that friends share through emails, instant messaging, phone calls, Facetime, Skype and various other methods of chatting live. Heck, I do that more with my friends across the miles than I spend time visiting with friends in my actual world. We share thoughts and opinions, help each other out with dilemmas on our work, promote each other’s work, laugh and sometimes even cry together. We even send virtual hugs after conversing, just as we’d do when we’re parting with a friend in our real world. That’s what friendship is all about.

Some of my best friends now were made online. Those friendships are no different than the ones I have with some of my old real-world friends, which some of them too just happen to live across the miles. How do we communicate with our loved ones who live far away in a different country? Exactly, through the same means we communicate with our friends in our online community.

So yes, I don’t care much for the term ‘online friend’. I don’t like to justify to someone in my actual world when I’m talking to them about a friend I have online. Those friendships I’ve made with people I met ‘online’ are just that – friends – who I happened to have met online. I ‘met’ them online, they aren’t just my ‘online’ friends. The geography between us has nothing to do with the value of our friendship. See the difference?

I am blessed to have a large and wonderful circle of friends I just happened to meet online. I don’t refer to them as ‘my online friends’. And when I’m chatting to my husband or a friend in my actual world about one of those friends who happens to live in another country, but I have the luxury of being able to communicate with them at the stroke of a keyboard, they are simply referred to as my friend.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on friendships made online.

©Debby Gies 2017

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More about Debby . . .

BIO

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.

When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.

Why I Write

I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.

Quotes

“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”

“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”

When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.

Find Debby’s other books and read the reviews on
Amazon US Amazon UK Goodreads

Connect with Debby on her Website and social networks:
Website Facebook Twitter Goodreads LinkedIn Google+ Pinterest StumbleUpon Instagram About.Me

My thanks to Debby for being a delightful and always welcomed guest on my blog. Please leave your thoughts for her about friendships made online.

The Winter holiday season is a time for celebration, sharing with friends and family, and fostering peace and good will. I wish all of you much love and many blessings, now and always.

Namaste, my friends ❤

Authors, Bloggers, Books

Let Us Keep Our Hearts Open

November 26, 2017 Tina Frisco 22 Comments

Over the past year, I have been a monthly guest author on Chris The Story Reading Ape‘s blog. Chris says he will continue his guest author series for as long as authors wish to participate.

Thank you, Chris, for your ongoing support and generosity.

This is my latest guest post. Hope you enjoy ❤

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Let Us Keep Our Hearts Open

It is easy to close our hearts; not so easy to keep them open. Or so it seems …

When we experience emotional pain, a common human response is fight or flight. Become angry or shut down. Neither of these reactions solves anything, and both can cause serious health problems if sustained over time.

Fear is the culprit in any action or reaction that is not love-based. It obscures awareness and keeps us ignorant of its deleterious effects. It constricts our bodies, imprisons our minds, catapults our emotions, and darkens our spirits. When trapped in fear, it is impossible to keep our hearts open.

If we close our hearts to one, we close them to all. Open is open and closed is closed. At one time, this was a difficult concept for me to get my head around. I thought I could open and close my heart at will, as easily as I removed and replaced the lid to the peanut butter jar. I soon learned how utterly deceptive this was. I began to feel as if I were zip-tied to a revolving door.

A husband and wife are furious with each other. Unaware of the discord, their daughter approaches them and asks for $20. Neither one hears her above the internal argument they are having with one another. The daughter asks again but is refused. She raises her voice and says, ‘What’s the big deal? It’s only $20!’ One of her parents reacts by slapping her hard across the face. Immediately contrite, the parent apologizes for behavior that was clearly out of character.

When storming in anger, simmering in blame, or smoldering in hurt, the heart automatically begins to close. This is a defense mechanism that frequently backfires, hurting not only the victim of our troubling emotions, but ourselves as well. The oftener we close our hearts, the nearer our subconscious moves toward believing this is the way we want to be in the world. Since the role of the subconscious is to serve, it will do all in its power to manifest this belief.

A politician unfit to serve is elected to high office. The people soon realize that his ignorance and egoism make him a dangerous head of state. They are inundated daily by media coverage of his prejudicial claims and wild assertions. They cannot turn off the news for fear he might do something perilous. They cannot remove him from office without an ‘Act of Congress.’ They live in fear of his rash judgments and loathe his narcissism. Soon, they begin to loathe the man himself and close their hearts to him. This impacts all of their relationships, because they are left having to switch tracks with every encounter. And derailment is a constant danger.

Is it possible to be angry with or despise someone while keeping our hearts open to them? The answer is yes. Doing so, however, requires separating the person from the behavior. Accept the person, loathe the behavior. This might be a laborious task, for example, in relation to the above-mentioned politician; but it is not impossible. The question we each need to ask ourselves is: Do I want fear to infect my spirit and rule my life? All negative emotion is fear-based. When fear is at the helm, the mounting storm goes unnoticed.

Remembering to separate the person from the behavior requires daily practice. Sometimes it is demanded; and sometimes it is demanded moment by moment. The heart closes only when the soul no longer recognizes itself in another.

It is okay to feel angry. Feelings are raw and arise unedited. It is okay to rant and rave with like-minded friends and associates. Verbal expression is a release valve for pent-up emotion. It is okay to . . .

Continue reading . . .

Source: Let Us Keep Our Hearts Open – Guest Post by, Tina Frisco… | Chris The Story Reading Ape’s Blog

Authors, Bloggers, Books

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives – When I Am Not Enough…by Tina Frisco

November 12, 2017 Tina Frisco 35 Comments

SALLY CRONIN consistently offers free promotional opportunities on her blog. I recently contributed four articles to her series, Posts from Your Archives. If you would like to join in, Sally gives directions at the end of each post.

Sharing thoughts and feelings with so many lovely bloggers was a wonderful experience. Today I’m sharing the fourth and final article I contributed. Find the first three here:

Problem, Lesson or Opportunity?
Rejection: The Ultimate Teacher
What Is Success?

I’m grateful to Sally for her abiding generosity and for inviting me to participate ❤

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Welcome to the series where you can share four of your links from your archives here on my blog to a new audience. Perhaps posts that you wrote at the beginning of your blogging experience that deserve another showcase. If you have book promotion posts then please contact me separately for other options. Details of how to get in touch with me at the end of the post.

In the last in Tina Frisco’s series of four posts, she takes us through the process of how we can be our own worst enemies when it comes to putting ourselves down. We all know how negative words can be harmful when used to communicate with others but when we turn them inwards we can do long-term damage to our own belief in who we are.

When I Am Not Enough…by Tina Frisco

Throughout our lives, we hear ourselves say: ‘I’m not that good!’ ‘I’ll never make it.’ ‘I wish I could write that well.’ ‘If only I had said. . .’

Words are powerful. Energy follows thought. The words we speak to ourselves drive our subconscious minds. Diminishing thoughts tell the subconscious we are not enough.

The subconscious mind is self-serving. Its mission is to fulfill our every desire, and it sets in motion the means by which to do so. It takes our words at face value and strives to manifest what they represent. It assumes that what we think and say is what we hope and dream.

How often have we heard ourselves utter, ‘Did I say that’? Unless we are channeling spirit, the mouth speaks what the subconscious mind thinks. If thought rests in the conscious mind, we are aware of it and can choose whether or not to give it a voice. If thought rests in the subconscious mind, we might find ourselves surprised by our own words.

Negative off-hand remarks might seem benign, but they are potent energy viruses that infect the subconscious mind through repetition; repetition which, over time, becomes emphatic. The virulence of this self-denial is potentiated by the subterranean stream of thought that mirrors the spoken word and continues feeding the subconscious. The subconscious then compels us to speak what it believes to be our truth.

This might seem like a vicious cycle that can’t be broken; yet anything is possible, because nothing is set in stone. Even dense matter can be converted to energy.

The way out is the way in.

If we wish to realize our full potential, we need to become witness to ourselves. We must remain alert to and aware of all we manifest in word and deed. And we must do this without judgment.

Labels proclaim. Proclamation reinforces. Reinforcement cements. Cement imprisons.

Your mind is a powerful thing. When you filter it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change. –Buddha

In order to build who we wish to be, we first need to become the unbiased observer and witness all we say and do. Notice the patterns. Write them down. Pay attention to the frequency in time and space, i.e., how often we repeat and how much mind space we give these cemented beliefs. This process enlightens us to the being we think we are. It moves the subconscious into the realm of the conscious. Once we become aware of our self-talk, we can make change for the better.

Continue reading …

Source: Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives – When I Am Not Enough…by Tina Frisco | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

Authors, Bloggers, Books

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives – What is Success? by Tina Frisco

November 7, 2017 Tina Frisco 21 Comments

Along with other fellow bloggers, I’ve been contributing articles to SALLY CRONIN‘s series, Posts from Your Archives. This is my third, and you can read the first and second HERE and HERE. If you would like to join in, Sally gives directions at the end of each post. My thanks to Sally for inviting me to participate and for her ongoing promotional support

This week Tina Frisco explores our perceptions of Success. Something, as with Happiness we strive to find. The path to success is not all plain sailing and there is a very good reason for that…. discover more in the post.

What is Success by Tina Frisco

While writing the introduction to a fellow author’s book, I realized many of us view success as an end-product. We aspire, we strive and, if fortunate, we manifest. Only then do we feel gratified, overlooking all we accomplished in the process. In short, we fail ourselves.

If we become discouraged when met by an obstacle, we are not seeing that obstacle for what it truly is: a teacher. Obstacles not only teach us what does not work, but they also challenge us to reach beyond our perceived limitations. Obstacles are opportunities to practice what we have learned, alter our approach, and move forward. This is success.

Being stuck in obsessive thought patterns, limiting beliefs, or anything that stops us short of reaching a goal can lead to wallowing in the past (nostalgia) and yearning for the future (desire). Turning inward and finding the embedded thoughts sabotaging our efforts keeps us in the present and increases our chances of manifesting our dreams. This is success.

When we look within, we establish a willingness to explore our dark side and discover who we truly are. Throwing caution to the wind and delving into the depths of our psyches allows negative beliefs to surface and be recognized. We then can alter our approach by trying something new. This is success.

An experiential (versus therapeutic) approach to learning offers the highest chance of success, because learning is achieved through experience. Experience involves braving the unknown. The unknown holds all potential for advancement. If we do not commit to success by staying in the present, we could very well achieve bitterness and defeat.

Acknowledging each effective step we take toward realizing our dream is a marked success. In so doing, we achieve much more than the goal itself; we claim each and every one of our efforts as worthy of recognition.

Continue reading …

Source: Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives – What is Success? by Tina Frisco | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

Authors, Books, Promotion

Negative Self-Judgment – Guest post by, Tina Frisco… | Chris The Story Reading Ape’s Blog

November 5, 2017 Tina Frisco 29 Comments

Christopher Graham, The Story Reading Ape, is a generous soul who regularly hosts other bloggers. If you’re not familiar with our big-hearted Ape, treat yourself to a plethora of terrific posts by visiting his superb BLOG. I want to thank Chris for his generosity and for featuring my post, which I’d like to share with you now ❤

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Photo by Ningren — Image courtesy of Ningren

The people we tend to be hardest on are ourselves. Some folks are an exception to this, but it seems to be true for most of us.

While I was in Pennsylvania helping care for my mother, I fell into judging myself… harshly… a lot.

I should be doing more. I should move back to Pennsylvania in order to help my sisters meet my mother’s needs. I should not feel guilty that my nephew gave up his bed for me and is sleeping on the couch for five weeks. I should not be afraid to drive a (huge) van for the first time in my life, down unfamiliar winding roads, and over freeways and across bridges under construction. I should be able to stick with my dietary regimen and exercise program, even though I am constantly on the go and thoroughly exhausted.

How often do we hear ourselves say, ‘I should’? Have we not been ‘should’ on enough in our lives? What coding is embedded in the human psyche that prompts us to judge our actions, or lack thereof, so harshly?

I think we all know the answer to that question: Guilt.

But from where does guilt derive? How does it become embedded? Is it innate or learned? Unless it is a defensive mechanism all babies are born with, it is learned. So how do we unlearn it? How do we unlearn anything that has become a bad habit? We need to look at what caused the habit to develop in the first place.

Negative messages received in childhood imprint on our psyches. We play these messages over and over in our minds until they are embedded as core beliefs that become self-fulfilling. Thus, our life experiences generally result from what we believe to be true.

Energy follows thought.

It is also important to be cognizant of the pitfalls of perpetuating negative self-judgment. Those pitfalls are the tradeoffs garnered through self-denigration. One example is the ‘poor me’ attitude. This may elicit the treasured attention that was absent in childhood, but it is merely Band-Aid treatment for a fractured psyche.

Once we discover the origin of guilt, we need to recognize it as a mental process conceived of the emotion, fear.

All emotion stems from either LOVE or FEAR.

We might feel guilty, but the truth is we feel afraid – afraid of being disliked, shunned, rejected. As this primordial broth simmers, the subconscious mind attempts to make sense of it and accommodate what it perceives to be our needs.

The subconscious is a servant that takes all we feel at face value.

If we are afraid of something, it infers we must want to defend against it and does all in its power to make this so. In the case of negative self-judgment, it armors us with guilt. However, we oftentimes are not aware of the underlying feeling(s) driving our behavior. Yet guilt will not be denied.

This is a good thing, because . . .

Continue reading …

Source: Negative Self-Judgment – Guest post by, Tina Frisco… | Chris The Story Reading Ape’s Blog

Authors, Books, Inspiration

Guest Post – Tina Frisco on #Forgiveness

November 2, 2017 Tina Frisco 59 Comments

Just before I took my blogging break in August, the lovely Debby Gies, aka D.G. Kaye, invited me to guest post on her blog. Debby is the Sherlock Holmes of our blogging community 🙂 Aside from featuring authors, books reviews, and myriad reblogs, she regularly shares tips and tricks she garners from sleuthing. If you’re not familiar with Debby, do yourself a favor and visit her informative BLOG.

My thanks to Debby for her abiding generosity and enthusiastic spirit. I was honored and delighted to be her guest, and would like to share that post with you now ❤

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As many of you know, I enjoy sharing posts here by Tina Frisco. And I was elated at Tina’s agreement to write a guest post to feature here today while I’m knee-deep in re-writes on my newest book. Tina has an inner wisdom, which opens our eyes to simple things we often take for granted, or sometimes hold a place within us that we sometimes struggle with but may not be able to come to terms with. In this post, Tina shares her experience with finding forgiveness and methods she utilizes to delve deep within her soul to find resolution.

Forgiveness

Image courtesy of Terri Webster Schrandt

“We tend to think of the rational as a higher order, but it is the emotional that marks our lives. One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment.” –Merle Shain, Canadian journalist and author, 1935-1989

Forgiveness is the highest form of virtue. It requires a strong and open heart. It challenges faith, trust, and understanding. It demands a willingness to let go of judgment. It moves us into compassion and elevates our consciousness. It fashions a deeper awareness of ourselves and others. Its gift is a more peaceful and fruitful life lived here on Mother Earth.

Forgiving someone a deep hurt is one of the most difficult challenges I have had to face.

As a small child, I was abused and often overlooked in favor of my younger sister. I was an afterthought. Because children have embryonic coping mechanisms, this neglectful behavior by the adults in my life carved a deep hole in my psyche. Desperate to be recognized, I became an overachiever and a slave to codependence. The imperatives of service and recognition fueled my desperation to a point where it imploded. I fragmented, and many took advantage. I was a walking, breathing wound.

In my teenage years, salt was added to that wound by those who mistook my need to help for egoism. Fortunately, I have a strong will and was able to rebut such claims. Unfortunately, this got me nowhere. I was labeled stubborn, angry, selfish, and a know-it-all. I would be the first to volunteer and the last to be selected. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get people to see me.

These labels followed me into early adulthood. Every time my eagerness to serve was mistaken for arrogance or selfishness, I either lashed out or fell into despair. My life had become one of emotional extremes – a roller coaster ride of peaks and valleys, racing fast to stand still.

All of this began to change when, at age thirty-three, I apprenticed to a medicine woman. She was as brutal in pointing out my weaknesses as she was compassionate in acknowledging my strengths. She forced me to dive deep and breathe while in the grasp of fear. Upon surfacing, I saw that all emotion is self-imposed. I alone am responsible for the choices I make. As my awareness grew, I began to own who I am – a wounded warrior made stronger for having faced that which terrorized me.

A few years into my apprenticeship, an issue I thought I had resolved attacked with a sudden and nauseating potency. Once again, and painfully, I felt overlooked. The hurt cut so deep, I nearly lost my life. I thought I was regressing, but I thought wrong. Issues become lighter as they are resolving. The pieces we have dealt with rise toward the surface. The nearer the surface, the more clearly we see them and the more powerful the impact. As these pieces are released, we might feel we are exploding, much like an erupting boil or volcano.

Naively, or perhaps wishfully, I thought I had finally battled this demon for the last time. Again, I thought wrong.

Continue reading …

Source: Guest post by Tina Frisco – forgiveness

Authors, Blogging, Books

Smorgasbord – Posts from Your Archives – Rejection: the Ultimate Teacher by Tina Frisco | Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life

October 25, 2017 Tina Frisco 31 Comments

Sally Cronin has graciously invited her followers to share four posts from their archives. This is my second one in the series; you can read the first one HERE. Directions on how to participate are given at the end of each post. Thank you to Sally for the abiding generosity and support she offers our community

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Today Tina Frisco puts a different spin on rejection. It is rare for anyone to go through their lives without some form of this hurtful action from others. Tina however looks at this as an opportunity to grow and evolve as a person.

Rejection: the Ultimate Teacher by Tina Frisco

Countess Lucie Stastkova — Image Courtsy of Lucie Stastkova

Rejection comes in many forms, from many places, and is very painful. What makes rejection so devastating? What causes us to react in a particular way? How can we use rejection to our advantage?

On a purely instinctual level, rejection threatens to extinguish our life force by depriving us of vital nourishment. No being can truly thrive without some measure of love and acceptance.

Rejection devastates when we attach our personal worth to someone or something outside of ourselves. Feeling worthy only when liked and accepted by those with whom we engage sets the stage for rejection.

When feeling disliked or ignored by another, it is wise to step back and view that person’s behavior as a mirror of our own subconscious mind. Often the things we do not like in ourselves are reflected back to us by others, giving us an opportunity to examine what prompts us to react and how we might change. This not only buffers the impact, but also opens the door to personal growth. Becoming the witness rather than the victim allows us to determine if our behavior rather than our essence is being rejected, or if the other person’s bias is in play, and/or if we simply are misreading all the cues.

Behavior learned throughout childhood is largely determined within the context of the example set by the adults in our lives. When we incarnate, we become blank slates to be imprinted upon by everyone and everything around us. We react to external stimuli positively or negatively, based on whether our basic needs are met or neglected. As we mature, we learn we have choices. Those choices include how we feel and whether we react to or act on those feelings.

The key to using rejection to our advantage lies in remaining objective. However, behaving as an unattached witness can be difficult when our impulse is either to strike or withdraw. If we recognize impulse as being instinctual – a reflex action rather than a thought process – then we are taking a first step toward understanding our feelings and turning rejection into a positive learning experience.

When observing animals in the wild, it becomes clear that instinct is, in part, a survival mechanism. Although we humans do not live in the wild, we find it impossible at times not to react. Generally speaking, however, our survival does not depend on ‘fight or flee.’ Most often we have the advantage of time and space within which to consider our options and teach ourselves to behave differently. We are capable of changing our behavior and, quite possibly, our feelings. With a little practice, we can move ourselves to the threshold of choice: act or react. Success in achieving this pivots on focusing our intention.

Change occurs in three stages: (1) we witness our behavior after we have reacted; (2) we take note while we are reacting; (3) we stop ourselves before we react. When we reach the final stage, our behavior reflects choice (act on) rather than reflex (react to). Since most change occurs over time, perseverance becomes vital to success. Yet once we are rooted in firm resolve, observing ourselves can be fascinating.