Tag Archives: Forgiveness

Guest Post – Tina Frisco on #Forgiveness

Just before I took my blogging break in August, the lovely Debby Gies, aka D.G. Kaye, invited me to guest post on her blog. Debby is the Sherlock Holmes of our blogging community 🙂 Aside from featuring authors, books reviews, and myriad reblogs, she regularly shares tips and tricks she garners from sleuthing. If you’re not familiar with Debby, do yourself a favor and visit her informative BLOG
My thanks to Debby for her abiding generosity and enthusiastic spirit. I was honored and delighted to be her guest, and would like to share that post with you now 
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D.G. Kaye Author

As many of you know, I enjoy sharing posts here by Tina Frisco. And I was elated at Tina’s agreement to write a guest post to feature here today while I’m knee-deep in re-writes on my newest book. Tina has an inner wisdom, which opens our eyes to simple things we often take for granted, or sometimes hold a place within us that we sometimes struggle with but may not be able to come to terms with. In this post, Tina shares her experience with finding forgiveness and methods she utilizes to delve deep within her soul to find resolution.

Author Tina Frisco

Forgiveness

Terri Webster Schrandt
Image courtesy of Terri Webster Schrandt

“We tend to think of the rational as a higher order, but it is the emotional that marks our lives. One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment.” –Merle Shain, Canadian journalist and author, 1935-1989

Forgiveness is the highest form of virtue. It requires a strong and open heart. It challenges faith, trust, and understanding. It demands a willingness to let go of judgment. It moves us into compassion and elevates our consciousness. It fashions a deeper awareness of ourselves and others. Its gift is a more peaceful and fruitful life lived here on Mother Earth.

Forgiving someone a deep hurt is one of the most difficult challenges I have had to face.

As a small child, I was abused and often overlooked in favor of my younger sister. I was an afterthought. Because children have embryonic coping mechanisms, this neglectful behavior by the adults in my life carved a deep hole in my psyche. Desperate to be recognized, I became an overachiever and a slave to codependence. The imperatives of service and recognition fueled my desperation to a point where it imploded. I fragmented, and many took advantage. I was a walking, breathing wound.

In my teenage years, salt was added to that wound by those who mistook my need to help for egoism. Fortunately, I have a strong will and was able to rebut such claims. Unfortunately, this got me nowhere. I was labeled stubborn, angry, selfish, and a know-it-all. I would be the first to volunteer and the last to be selected. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get people to see me.

These labels followed me into early adulthood. Every time my eagerness to serve was mistaken for arrogance or selfishness, I either lashed out or fell into despair. My life had become one of emotional extremes – a roller coaster ride of peaks and valleys, racing fast to stand still.

All of this began to change when, at age thirty-three, I apprenticed to a medicine woman. She was as brutal in pointing out my weaknesses as she was compassionate in acknowledging my strengths. She forced me to dive deep and breathe while in the grasp of fear. Upon surfacing, I saw that all emotion is self-imposed. I alone am responsible for the choices I make. As my awareness grew, I began to own who I am – a wounded warrior made stronger for having faced that which terrorized me.

A few years into my apprenticeship, an issue I thought I had resolved attacked with a sudden and nauseating potency. Once again, and painfully, I felt overlooked. The hurt cut so deep, I nearly lost my life. I thought I was regressing, but I thought wrong. Issues become lighter as they are resolving. The pieces we have dealt with rise toward the surface. The nearer the surface, the more clearly we see them and the more powerful the impact. As these pieces are released, we might feel we are exploding, much like an erupting boil or volcano.

Naively, or perhaps wishfully, I thought I had finally battled this demon for the last time. Again, I thought wrong.

Continue reading … 

Source: Guest post by Tina Frisco – forgiveness

#ShiningLight Annette Rochelle Aben

Annette Rochelle AbenAnnette Rochelle Aben is a shining light in the world. I’ve had the pleasure of several conversations with her, and the most striking thing I’ve learned is that she walks her talk. Her Angel Messages, Inspirations, and Attitude of Gratitude posts are spoken from her heart. She is the real deal. 

If you’re not familiar with Annette and her work, you will find her HERE and HERE. Listen to her Blog TalkRadio shows for an infusion of support and enthusiasm as The Magic Happens. 

This week on her blog, Annette posted two public messages: an apology to herself and a letter to her ex-husband. Both embody understanding, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is with a grateful heart that I share them with you now.

A Public Apology to Myself

https://annetterochelleaben.wordpress.com/2017/08/02/a-public-apology-to-myself/

A Public Letter to My ExHusband

https://annetterochelleaben.wordpress.com/2017/08/04/a-public-letter-to-my-exhusband/

Thoughts of #Peace

Photo by Terri Webster Schrandt
Image courtesy of Terri Webster Schrandt
Our thoughts and prayers are with
our sisters and brothers in London
 ❤
The hatred evidenced by terrorist attacks around the world could easily be met with equal hatred, should we allow it. But how would that identify and inform us as a species? What would that do to the hearts and minds of individuals as well as society? What do we want to teach our children, and what kind of world do we want to leave them?
It is a challenge to keep our hearts open amid such unconscionable acts of violence. Yet it is our only hope of survival. Meeting these despicable acts with an equal amount of aggression could lead to our annihilation in this nuclear age. At the very least, it could alter our consciences and consciousness to a degree beyond repair. And that is as unacceptable as the terrorist act itself.
Fire cannot be fought with fire. We know this. Yet our species persists in its futile attempt to meet hatred with hatred, aggression with aggression, terror with terror. However, hope is skirting the horizon ~ fragile in its element but tenacious in its intent. Whether or not it will rise with tomorrow’s sun will be determined by our actions today.
I’m reminded of Dorothy Bryant’s book, The Kin of Ata Are Waiting for You. The village folk circle a woman being raped. They neither interfere nor intervene but simply stand in witness of this heinous act. The perpetrator not only cannot continue, but also comes face to face with his salacious fear. When he realizes he has been forgiven, his heart opens and he is transformed.

The Kin of Ata by Dorothy Bryant

Some might call this a miracle. Yet if we consider the collective unconscious, we might see this in a different light. Instead of intervention from an outside source ~ no matter how beneficent the being ~ we realize it is a manifestation of our unified thought. We are what we think, and energy follows in kind.
Although I was raised Roman Catholic, I follow an eclectic spiritual path. I hold the avatars and bodhisattvas in my heart, and one in particular now comes to mind: Jesus Christ. Regardless of whether history is to be believed, the story of Jesus’ passion sets an example that sorely needs to be remembered, if not emulated. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
If we understand that all negative emotions and behavior originate from fear, we might be more inclined to err on the side of compassion. This does not negate the validity and necessity of raging with anger, for emotions are raw and must be given a voice, lest we implode. This does, however, caution us to act instead of react ~ act out of love instead of react out of fear.
Fear is a survival mechanism but, if unchecked, can easily run amok, as we have witnessed once again in today’s attack on the people of London. Where does violence end? Where does peace begin?
Flower by Terri Webster Schrandt
Image courtesy of Terri Webster Schrandt
Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me . . . ❤

Remembrance Day Tribute by D.G. Kaye

Remembrance Day in Canada, as well as Veterans Day in the U.S., are set aside to honor all those who fought for our freedom. In her inspiring post, D.G. Kaye reminds us that during this time of upheaval and uncertainty, it is in our best interest to remember that we can choose how we behave toward our sisters and brothers across the globe. Will we divide across fear-based lines of prejudice and hatred, or will we unite under love-inspired hoops of kindness and compassion?

remember-by-debby-giesAt a time when the world seems divided with so many fears of uncertainty, it’s a time to remind that we all still have a choice to unite, not only to make America great again, but help to make the world great again. Strength is in numbers, not held solely in the hands of an elected official. It’s the numbers that put these officials in power. The damage is done, as has been in all wars. It’s now up to all of us to work hard at being kind and compassionate to our fellow man.

Today I went out on my balcony for a breath of fresh air, and something which stares me blatantly in the face every time I do so, became so much more polarizing. An apartment in a building across from mine flies the Canadian flag proudly every day. I watched as it danced in the wind in all its glory and served as a reminder that no matter how much I’m unhappy about the state of our economics in my province, and particularly my city, that I am grateful for the many other things we have in this country.

poppy-by-debby-giesTomorrow is Remembrance Day, a day to reflect and remember all those Vets who fought for many of our countries for freedom. November 11th – the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month is when we take a pause for a single moment of silence to pay our respect and remembrance for those who fought and died in battle for us, to end hostility.

Despite the loss of life, the world didn’t seem to learn after that war, as the second World War emerged only two decades later. In the decades that followed, more wars around the world ensued and still, there’s a nagging question mark lurking in the minds of many, wondering if it’s only a matter of time until the third World War might . . .

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#Author Interview: D.G. Kaye

d-g-kaye

Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart, and women’s issues.

Welcome, Debby!

Hi Tina. I’m excited to be here guest appearing on your wonderful blog and mingling with some of your readers. Thank you so much for having me here today.

Debby, it’s my great pleasure to have you here. We’re looking forward to learning more about you, your writing process, and your outstanding and informative books.

Tell us a little about yourself.  I’m a nonfiction/memoir writer and blogger. All of my books are written from my point of view, taken from experiences I’ve encountered. While my memoirs, P.S. I Forgive You and Conflicted Hearts are of serious subject matter, I do like to inject some humor in some of my other writings.

What is the title and genre of your latest book, and can you tell us book-debby-p-s-i-forgive-youa little about it?  My newest book, P.S. I Forgive You, is my story about finding forgiveness for my narcissistic mother before she died, and for myself for remaining with my decision not to go back to her after banishing her from my life several years prior to her death. This is Book II to my first book, Conflicted Hearts; but because of the subject matter, it could easily be read as a standalone.

What genres do you enjoy reading?  I love reading biographies/memoirs, self-help books, books on writing, and stories about people who have overcome adversity.

Where do you like to write and why?  I love to write at home in the quiet. I’m easily distracted, so no TV or music while I’m writing. I wish I was one of those writers who could pack up my things and go write in a public cafe, but I know I’d get lost in observing my surroundings; so I find I can discipline myself better at home.

book-debby-words-we-carryWhat time of day do you like to write and why?  I love to write first thing in the morning after my coffee. I’m a multi-tasker, and once I get on the computer, I can get lost for hours between my emails, social media, blog, etc. So I have to do my writing first thing in the morning, or it’s not going to happen; although some of my best ideas come lurking in the wee hours of the night. In those instances, I have a handy journal I keep by my bedside to jot down ideas that will be elaborated on in the morning. If I don’t jot them down, I can consider them forgotten the next day.

When did you first start writing?  I was writing as far back as I can remember when I learned to write. I had an active imagination and was highly in-tuned with my growing up in an environment of dysfunction. I started writing poems and making up Hallmark–like cards for loved ones and friends. Valentine’s Day was my favorite holiday for making cards. As I grew into my teens, I began journaling about my observations of my family life, and I continued to journal through life. I wanted to write books for years but hadn’t developed enough self-confidence to do so.

Tell us a little about your newest book.  P.S. I Forgive You is a sequel book-debby-conflicted-heartsto Conflicted Hearts, a memoir about my narcissistic mother, the psychological hold she had on me by instilling guilt and fear when her demands weren’t complied with, and the heartache she bestowed on her loved ones. This sequel is a stand-alone in its own right. It’s a new journey about discovering and overcoming the narcissists inflictions and ultimately learning forgiveness, both for myself and my mother. The story is a completion of a life cycle, the cutting of the cord with all its frayed ends.

.Ebooks or paper? Do you have a preference?  I love both! They each serve their own purpose for me. I love ebooks for their portability. I read on my kindle at night in bed for pleasure reading. But all of my books pertaining to the craft of writing are in paperback. I need a physical book for my writing needs as I need to be able to make it personally mine by highlighting passages, folding important pages, and whatever else I can do to leave reminders or important things I want to go back to for reference.

book-debby-meno-whatIf you have a blog, what subjects do you write about?  I sure do run a blog. My blog is comprised of articles that I find informative about writing or self-publishing, random things I find interesting or unjust, and I have a new Sunday book review series where I choose a book I’ve read and enjoyed to share with my readers.

What was the first book that touched you deeply?  The Thornbirds written by Colleen McCullough. It’s a beautiful story about broken people living in a small town in Australia, encompassing undying and forbidden love.

What advice would you give a new writer?  Try to write every day. book-debby-have-bagsI’m not one who is disciplined by word counts. I just sit and write, whether it’s for a book I’m writing, ideas for a new book, a blog post, or just choosing a word prompt to keep the juices flowing. I may only crank out a paragraph or a page, or perhaps get lucky with a thousand words or more, but it’s daily exercise for the brain and good fuel to keep the writing keen. If we write something every day, it’s surprising how in a few months time we can have a rough draft written for a new book. Also, I recommend writing in the genre your comfortable in. Not all of our writing will appeal to everyone, so it’s best to write what you’re comfortable with, and eventually you will find your tribe.

Thank you so much Tina for inviting me here today to your blog to share a bit of myself and my newest book, P.S. I Forgive You: A Broken Legacy.

You’re very welcome, Debby. I’m delighted to share you and your work with my readers. Congratulations on the recent publication of your newest book! I wish you continued success as a published author, and I hope your books are read by many across the globe.

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P.S. I Forgive You is now available on Amazon.

Blurb:  I hurt for her. She wasn’t much of a mother, but she was still my mother.

Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts. In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself.

After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near. Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind.

Excerpt: The End Is Near

My mother had been dying for years, and through those years she refused to surrender her bitterness and remained in denial of her flaws. The many times I heard she was dying reminded me of the boy who cried wolf. I almost believed she was invincible, and even though I never wanted her to suffer, she did.

I thought it was just a horrible and sad way to die—holding hatred for those she had chased out of her life, living in bitter seclusion, knowing her days were numbered. Her once vibrant life had diminished into a mere existence of watching TV and complaining. She’d also given all her caregivers a difficult time, bitching at them all and letting them know how useless they were to her because of what her life had become. Nobody was exempt.

I asked my brother Robby why God didn’t just take her out of her misery and pain during one of the many times she was on the brink of death. Why would he not spare her from suffering? He replied, “God has his own plans.” I couldn’t help but wonder if he was letting her suffer because she had hurt so many people in her lifetime, but in my next thought I couldn’t believe God would play those cruel games, tit for tat.

About the Author:  D.G. Kaye writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life and finding the upside from those situations. Her refusal to accept the word No or the phrase I can’t keep her on the path to positivity. Kaye loves to look for the humor in whatever life can dish out, and when she isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she’ll bring her natural sense of humor into her other works. She writes with a rawness and honesty, leaving readers with something to take from her stories.

Learn more about D.G. Kaye:   Website       Twitter       Facebook   Google+       LinkedIn       Amazon

Thanks so much for stopping by

Cover reveal, memoir, book promotion, forgiveness, emotional abuse, P.S. I Forgive You, Amazon, D.G. Kaye

P.S. I Forgive You is D.G. Kaye’s compelling story of her journey from guilt through grief to forgiveness. If you’re seeking to heal from an abusive relationship, put this book on your “to buy” list for late September

#Sneakpreview – Cover Reveal – P.S. I Forgive You

book-debby-cover-revealAfter a long summer of being held captive in my little authorly world working on the upcoming publication of my newest book, P.S. I Forgive You, I am finally sharing the front cover of the book and the blurb.

I’m currently running through another round of my own proofreading after the final proof has come back from the editor. By week’s end it should be off to my NEW formatter, Jo Robinson to prepare the book for lift-off.

I’ll make no bones about it, this was a difficult book for me to write and have to re-read a gazillion times in the rewrite and editing stages. There were many times I had to walk away from it for a day because it was like reliving painful moments. But like an old quote says:  “You know you’ve healed when you can read your words and they no longer make you cry.” Truly, this book was therapeutic, and I hope readers can find some solace in their own lives in their own search for forgiveness.

So without further ado, I’d like to add this beautiful note my editor left for me after she finished editing. And the book cover and blurb follows:

View Original: D.G.KayeWriter

Source: Cover reveal, memoir, book promotion, forgiveness, emotional abuse, P.S. I Forgive You, Amazon, D.G. Kaye